Lessons

I watched two people die. A murder-suicide in the parking lot at work. It happened in the blink of an eye. There was nothing anyone could have done to stop it, though everyone wonders. What could possibly lead someone to act in this way? To take not only his own life, but also the life of someone he claims to love? I cannot wrap my mind around it. It’s inconceivable to me.

The images in my head are hard to deal with. I wish they weren’t there. I wish I could make them go away. I wish the world weren’t such an evil place. I wish Kim were still here.

I didn’t look out the window before the shooting starting. I didn’t see them talking. The sound of the first gunshot is what caught my attention. Then I watched as 3 more rang out. I couldn’t see the faces of the two people lying on the ground. Only the torso of a woman. I recognized the shirt right away. It was Kim’s shirt. I knew it immediately because I had just been talking to her a couple of hours before and the shirt was unmistakable. I didn’t want it to be true though.

It’s one thing to watch someone getting shot. For your brain to process what is actually happening that quickly is quite another. Difficult. I’ve seen this on TV before. Lots of times. But that’s TV. They aren’t real bullets. No one really dies. But then to realize it’s someone you know. Someone you care about it. Someone so beautiful and sweet. Words can’t explain what went through my head.

It took less than 5 minutes to find someone who knew CPR, rush down to the parking lot, and find out she was already gone. How fragile life is! One minute you’re there- working, laughing, worrying, planning, going to lunch, talking to a friend. The next minute it’s gone.....

A counselor asked me what I’ve learned from this. After all, there’s always a lesson to be learned, right? The hard part is finding the lesson in such a senseless tragedy. Though I can’t make any sense of the events of that day, there is much to learn from a life lived as beautifully as Kim’s.

Be kind to people. Kinder than is necessary. Don’t ever miss an opportunity to say I Love You. Cherish your family. Live life to the fullest. Love everyone. Smile. LAUGH! Help others. Be happy.

Kim had a beautiful soul. The most beautiful soul of anyone I’ve ever met. Though I was only blessed to know her for a short time, her impact on my life will be forever. I want to be more like Kim. She lit up a room just by walking into it. She radiated love and happiness. Her smile was contagious. You could tell, just by looking at her, that she loved you, that she cared about you, that she wanted you to feel good and to be happy. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body. I never heard her say a bad word about anybody. She was always smiling. Always joking. Always laughing. Always helping. She was a perfect example of Christ-like love.

I thank God that she didn’t suffer. They say she was gone before she hit the ground. That there’s no way she knew what was happening. That’s a blessing. It’s those left behind who will suffer.

I’m so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel. For my knowledge of eternal families. It makes the suffering bearable. I know God has a special place in Heaven for Kim. I know that she will have the chance to see her family again someday. Her beautiful kids. I’m grateful to know that she is in a better place. My heart aches for those she left behind, but I know this is not the end for her.

I’m grateful for the priesthood. Grateful for worthy men who honor their priesthood and are willing and able to bless the lives of others with this wonderful gift when called upon.

I’m grateful for prayer. Grateful to know that any time, day or night, in my hour of need, I can turn to the Lord and he will be there to listen. To comfort. No matter what.

The gospel gives me so much peace in my life. Every day. But especially at times like this. It’s a peace that ONLY HE can give.

I pray for Kim’s family. She leaves behind two beautiful kids. I also pray for Jeremy’s family. He’s the one who took her life, but his family is suffering too, more so than Kim’s, I’m sure. He left behind a 13 year old daughter who is just as much a victim as Kim’s kids.

There are two hymns that have been strong in my mind since that fateful Friday. The messages are beautiful and help calm my troubled heart.

Where Can I Turn for Peace?
Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice, I draw myself apart, Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know,
Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane
Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.


Be Still My Soul
Be still, my soul: The Lord is on they side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Smile. Laugh. Love. Live. That’s what Kim would do. And that’s what Kim would want us to do.